Santa came late yesterday morning. Which means that I ran out of time Christmas Eve to do just everything and my son was up early. I fought the urge to feel rushed and a little cross that not all my i's were dotted or my t's crossed. It is the Lord's birthday after all. I filled stockings for my family and the orphans which did not come. Opened Christmas presents with David and Jonathan. Made up beds from the company of the previous week. My navy boy and his wife. It has been two and a half years since I have seen Jesse and a year since visiting with Gabrielle. It was good.
Finally I sat down to see Giselle. There she is in my minds eye. Darling child. A memorial poinsettia sits in the pot on my dining room table. I close my eyes and begin to send her Christmas presents .... the finest I can imagine. A thatched roof cottage with a mill stream and stone walls. There are sheep and a pony with a little cart. Cherry trees bloom through a snow storm. The snow flakes are so large you can see each one as under a magnifier. There is a snow man ..... a frozen pond appears where she skates and a flock of swans swim .... I did not think it but there it is. Over a cliff there is the ocean where conch and sea shells can be gathered ... turn the page and she has a tree house.... not everything exists in the same space but can be recalled ... just to think it is to be there.
Inside the house is a German Christmas Tree with candles and cherubs hanging the icicle ornaments. There is a crackling fire and a rocker like the one in my living room. Under the tree are presents. The most special for her is a doll house. Like Alice she can shrink and walk from room to room. The animated dolls are members of her family. She dances in a circle with Caelen, Samantha and Norelei. She has several dolls of me from the time I was a child to my present age. She clasps her hands to her little heart and falls over backwards .... it is the best Christmas she has ever had ... the first with her mommy in heaven. We talk about how the doll house should be decorated and Jesus decides that we can turn pages and have any design we want, at any given time.
Back in the cottage she decides that she wants my Longaberger Pottery, Ironstone and Canton China in the cupboards. She has a closet full of clothes and decides she wants to be a ballerina in a pink tutu. I hand her a book from my childhood and then fill up a library for her of all my childhood favorites .... Sherlock Holmes, Winnie The Pooh, The Book House Collection, Peter Pan .... she opens a book and the story unfolds like animation. I pretty much cry through everything .... because it's beautiful .... because I'm sorry we were parted .... but glad she is where she is. I'm crying because all though her life is in glory she still wants to be with me ... she wants us, her family to be where she is so that her joy will be complete.
So what does Giselle give to me? Sometimes when I feel weary I hear her little voice saying, "Mommy, Jesus loves you and so do I." And so to you dear reader, "Jesus loves you and so do I."
And to you dear Jesus .... "I love you too".
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