Many years ago, a dear friend was reading the book Disappointed With God. I have not read it but I have been there. I can't imagine it now .... being so blind. Thinking that God had let me down .... thinking he should have done better for me ..... thinking he could cut me some slack.
I've been bitter with his people too .... stepping on my heart and my toes ... rarely with the right words to say .... poor helpless flock nearly as blind as me.
Looking back I can see how I was taken in. How a devilish slight of hand had me thinking my heavenly Father did not love me so much .... or why would this have happened or why didn't he answer my prayers. I remember the frustration of not being able to measure up and thinking that was why .... I simply must be a disappointment to him .... so we must have this mutual attitude. Actually I wouldn't have said I was disappointed in God ... it wouldn't have been Christian. It is all hind sight now. But I would have continued in a state of denial if the Shepherd hadn't been on my case.
And he helped me see. And this is the truth ...... Yes he was disappointed .... disappointed that I didn't love him so much. ... and with my ingratitude. I was looking at the temporal ..... I didn't know what to do with spiritual riches .... honestly I didn't know. I hadn't really tasted how much better my life could be in and through the Spirit. And frankly my bitter and sad little attitude was grieving the Spirit and keeping me from enjoying his presence so much.
With out him it feels like bad air inside....like a musty room.... feelings of anxiety, depression, irritation, resentment, and rudeness choke my innards .... I can sense the rooms of my soul needing to be swept clean .... windows and doors flung open to let in a Holy Spirit wind ....
His work leaves me feeling like Merry Maids just left my house only I didn't have to pay .... just ask, "Please help me." Along with request the praising and singing helps too. "The Spirit of the Lord inhabits the praise of his people and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is life and health and peace.".... anxiety can not reside with peace and thankfulness .... depression cannot cohabit with joy ... so I exchange my irritation, resentment and rudeness for loving kindness..... it is the beginning of the abundant life with another happy day followed by another and another ..... how do I see loss and difficulties now? .... even death? .....I see it simply as God waiting to give me something better ..... I've seen it happen and so I believe it ever will. It doesn't mean I don't ever cry or that I'm not ever disappointed ..... but now these things don't put a wedge between me and God ..... but draw me to him for the comfort I need in my time of trouble. I love Jesus.
