What Happened To Me

Be careful how you listen. Day unto day pours forth speech. Some do not process the spoken or written word so well and listen with their eyes. Reason for the Word made flesh. As an artist I am more closely tuned into visual impressions .... for me they process more quickly then the spoken or written word. I see and then I interpret. I listen to a sermon and remember the story ... notice the tie the pastor is wearing .... his expression, body language. Funny, for as you can see I am not at a loss for words. But they are my words that I have struggled to process.

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So I was born into the Orthodox Presbyterian Church. People of the Word. Reformation. Iconoclasts. Suspicious of experience and that which smacks of Pentecostalism. Dangerous territory .... the intangible. Yet I have seen people twist the Word to their own end just as surely as an experience.

Don't get me wrong. I love my Christian heritage. I love the Scriptures. I love finding new and deeper truths there. It holds perpetual fascination for me. But somehow in my youth the Word didn't compute quite accurately to me. I knew I was saved by grace but I lived on works and knowledge. I was a woman of intuition and emotion who gathered that my relationship to God was cerebral. And that was wonderful in itself but oh when I discovered God's passion for me it made me complete.

I did not discover this from reading my Bible. It was an experiential tutorial ... a bombarding of impressions over a period of time that continues to this day. Once I realized God was speaking to me this way .... a way that I could understand for he knows every language and every tongue .... I practiced listening or seeing. And I brought it along side Scripture and it illuminated the Word for me. ... most any pastor will tell you that the week he is preparing a sermon he is likely to have a set of experiences or circumstances that end up being sermon fodder. A sermon on patience has him standing in lines all over town. God teaching the teacher.

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So where is the caution? Our hearts are deceitful above all else. A man cannot serve two masters. You cannot serve both God and Mammon for you will love one and despise the other. Having treasure impares your judgement and we hear what we want to hear and see what we want to see. We put our own spin or perspective on something. Picture a pirate with an eye patch and a treasure chest.

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So how does this nearsightedness work? Someone has made off with our treasure and we cannot forgive them. If we are having trouble forgiving someone then we see them in a negative light. Like the unforgiving servant we want to choke the last dime out of the offender. We impugn their motives. We take what we have seen and heard and imagine and apply the worst. We beat them over the head with Scripture. We keep them under lock and key for past wrongs inflicted.

The Lord reminds us that the measure of forgiveness we use will be measured back to us. Forgive as you have been forgiven. But forgiveness does not mean removing all consequences. Eli was faulted for honoring/treasuring his sons over God because he failed to deal out consequence. We may not be the one dishing out consequence but we should be leery of lifting consequences before consequences have had a chance to reap repentance. In every situation our attitude is important .... whoever loves the Father loves his child as well. And everything should be done decently and in order if at all possible, barring an emergency. The key is love for God and then obedience. What use to quarrel and fight for whatever he opens cannot be shut and whatever he shuts cannot be opened. But there is power in prayer .... then listen/look for the answer.