What Happened To Me

Be careful how you listen. Day unto day pours forth speech. Some do not process the spoken or written word so well and listen with their eyes. Reason for the Word made flesh. As an artist I am more closely tuned into visual impressions .... for me they process more quickly then the spoken or written word. I see and then I interpret. I listen to a sermon and remember the story ... notice the tie the pastor is wearing .... his expression, body language. Funny, for as you can see I am not at a loss for words. But they are my words that I have struggled to process.

'

So I was born into the Orthodox Presbyterian Church. People of the Word. Reformation. Iconoclasts. Suspicious of experience and that which smacks of Pentecostalism. Dangerous territory .... the intangible. Yet I have seen people twist the Word to their own end just as surely as an experience.

Don't get me wrong. I love my Christian heritage. I love the Scriptures. I love finding new and deeper truths there. It holds perpetual fascination for me. But somehow in my youth the Word didn't compute quite accurately to me. I knew I was saved by grace but I lived on works and knowledge. I was a woman of intuition and emotion who gathered that my relationship to God was cerebral. And that was wonderful in itself but oh when I discovered God's passion for me it made me complete.

I did not discover this from reading my Bible. It was an experiential tutorial ... a bombarding of impressions over a period of time that continues to this day. Once I realized God was speaking to me this way .... a way that I could understand for he knows every language and every tongue .... I practiced listening or seeing. And I brought it along side Scripture and it illuminated the Word for me. ... most any pastor will tell you that the week he is preparing a sermon he is likely to have a set of experiences or circumstances that end up being sermon fodder. A sermon on patience has him standing in lines all over town. God teaching the teacher.

'

So where is the caution? Our hearts are deceitful above all else. A man cannot serve two masters. You cannot serve both God and Mammon for you will love one and despise the other. Having treasure impares your judgement and we hear what we want to hear and see what we want to see. We put our own spin or perspective on something. Picture a pirate with an eye patch and a treasure chest.

'

So how does this nearsightedness work? Someone has made off with our treasure and we cannot forgive them. If we are having trouble forgiving someone then we see them in a negative light. Like the unforgiving servant we want to choke the last dime out of the offender. We impugn their motives. We take what we have seen and heard and imagine and apply the worst. We beat them over the head with Scripture. We keep them under lock and key for past wrongs inflicted.

The Lord reminds us that the measure of forgiveness we use will be measured back to us. Forgive as you have been forgiven. But forgiveness does not mean removing all consequences. Eli was faulted for honoring/treasuring his sons over God because he failed to deal out consequence. We may not be the one dishing out consequence but we should be leery of lifting consequences before consequences have had a chance to reap repentance. In every situation our attitude is important .... whoever loves the Father loves his child as well. And everything should be done decently and in order if at all possible, barring an emergency. The key is love for God and then obedience. What use to quarrel and fight for whatever he opens cannot be shut and whatever he shuts cannot be opened. But there is power in prayer .... then listen/look for the answer.

Jacob Have I Loved

So James Thomas, This is your Grammie. Happy Birthday. It was your last visit and we were driving home from church. I was trying to explain something to you the way you would to a child ... or so I thought. A pained look crossed your face then you grinned and called me "weird". After reminding you of the proper way to speak to your elders I considered; Hmmm an alien child. Not from another country or planet ... simply a person with a different learning style. An alien speaks a different language and perhaps is confused by my metaphors and so communication must be reconfigured. And this is a man child .... less likely to argue with the men in the family. But I raised four sons with the goal that they be men. And what he does not understand his parents will explain to him.

'

Out of my four sons I raised an alien. No less beautiful or precious. He brought his own strength to the table and so enriched our family. I love him no less but I learned to adapt my communication as I shall with you. I will love you and pray for you .... I will feed you ... but I will keep my advice brief and to the point ..... don't bother to read my blog ... it will not please you. But I have a blessing for you .....

'

You are an eldest child. A son. Many in this position have forfeited their birthright ... a place of leadership. Cain, Esau, Saul ... men of strength .... men who inspired hope. But they fell and were rejected by God. But in hope your name is derived from Jacob. "Jacob have I loved" .... loved by God ... Jacob the deceiver. James Thomas .... Thomas, "the twin" .... Jacob, Esau's twin. I have heard it said that the inner and the outer man are twins but they do not always align. We are hypocrites and deceivers. Conforming on the outside but hiding our true thoughts and feelings. We hide the inner twin because he is ugly or socially unacceptable. But sooner or later we are found out.

'

Jesus cursed a fig tree for this reason. By leaf and stature there was a fig tree but when the Lord went to find fruit there was none. A fig tree without figs! Outwardly we may appear as good people but when our Lord looks at the heart he does not find the fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness and self control. Just as he cursed the fig tree we stand in danger of judgement. How disappointing to look at a mature person and not find love, patience and wisdom .... sometimes even a child may be given the grace to show the fruits of the Spirit. We cannot produce these fruits on our own. If we try we produce only fakes ..... we are not truly kind ... just "nice" ... not truly patient, just tolerant. In order to have real fruits of the Spirit we must reject and repent of wrong thoughts and attitudes and the fake and then we must ask for the Spirit. And the Father delights to give the Spirit to those who ask. May you remember your Creator in the days of your youth. Listen to the Father's request, "My son, give me your heart." and may you own your birthright .... your place of leadership. Love, Grammie

Favored

Happy Birthday today Samantha Marie! We didn't have a clue on moving day that the little girl next door would be part of our family some day. But here you are and no regrets.

'

Samantha means "listener" from the same Aramaic word as Samuel which means "God has heard". Samuel was a prophet who both listened and was heard by God and so his words did not fall to the ground. This is what a prophet does.

'

Marie is French and comes from the Hebrew Miriam, Mary or Mara and means "bitterness". The Jews were instructed to celebrate the Passover meal with bitter herbs to always remember their suffering in Egypt. Naomi called herself "Mara" because her life had become bitter. The Virgin Mary, favored by God, was named "bitterness". Suffering has it's place in our lives. Having known you from a child I have seen you grow with inner and physical beauty ..... God's hand in your life working with your desire to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Your heart knows the joys and sorrows your Lord has brought into your life. They have made you the woman you are and the woman you will be. He is the Potter and you are the clay. You could not be in better hands. May you grow in grace and beauty. May you be that woman of God that listens, hears and speaks true as an arrow to its mark. And may your sorrows only bring you joy.

Kahnye

The body is a temple. You have heard it said. A temple for your soul. Did you know that your soul was not intended to live alone in this temple? There is room for another. You were created that way. Your Creator God made room for himself in your temple. If he is there communing with your spirit you have access to love that will not let you go ..... wisdom and a sound mind .... joy and contentment ..... peace ... and then you become as a flowing river of water that replenishes not only your soul but your body (which God also commits to his own personal care) and on to refresh those around you. Life becomes clean, holy .... good. Imagine a people whose God is the Lord ..... where all evil thought and intent is rejected. Imagine the tender concern for one another and for the creation ... imagine justice and mercy.

'

Ah but we are broken, plagued, and lost. Searching, groveling, blindly on the ground for that something we are missing ... that something in our soul ..... something to bind up the gaping wound. That place that was to belong to our Creator is empty ..... as a race we rejected him .... oh and we ache and we ache to fill it ... we are incomplete and we do not know what will bring us peace. So we want this and we want that .... we chase this and we chase that .... "oh vanity of vanities" the teacher will tell you because he tried it all ... experimenting and researching for gratification ... he told you about it in his book ... Ecclesiastes. Read it. Can you be taught .... will you except instruction from your elders? Or like me must you be young and foolish and find out for yourself .... for my knowledge far exceeded my experience and I thought I knew. I did. So much knowledge .... my head was full and my heart empty and I was hungry, hungry, hungry! And my hunger lead me down roads away from God ... oh I served him ... in fear and in trembling I served him. Hoping and praying for the desires of my heart ..... and he withheld and withheld until disappointment came to live in my house. And bitterness too. I grew lonely and vulnerable. Until my heart found something new to wrap itself around and this time I did not ask God for it because I knew it was wrong. I turned my back on him. And this thing I loved chewed me up and spit me out.

'

And there was God like thunder .... a sword of judgement in his hand .... what would I do? Was I Judas or Peter? I chose to be a Peter. I chose to repent. And I grieved. I grieved over the consequences of my sin. I grieved then for my sin. I near grieved to much for I went into a deep depression. And God folded me in his arms and would not let me sorrow. I put myself in purgatory and he gave me his atonement and the cross became so precious to me .... Jesus ... he died for me .... it was for me. How could I have taken it all for granted .... I knew! But now I had tasted and experienced. I have a love story. It is the story of how Creator God came and found me and loved me. And that was just the beginning.

'

Still counterfeits press upon my soul. Spirits that would feed on my adoration then disappoint and lead me into destruction. The things that bring me joy .... the beauty of the lotus can be a blind for the monster along the waters edge ..... "come and drink my little one and find satisfaction for your soul ..... come and drink until you forget your Maker and I have bound you to me and made you my slave. Then I will own you and pull your little strings my foolish puppet and I will feast on your flesh." A counterfeiter brings joy long enough to gain a foothold then the grief begins. Preserve the chastity of your soul. Give that place in your heart to the One it belongs to. Then all else will fall into place.

'

Kahn

Spinning words, spicing music

Elucidating feelings, purifying my soul

Your craft, I've seen, your knowledge, I've learnt

I've witnessed, I'll testify, this man is Kahn

'

Melting itself, a candle gives light

To this dark town

It melts itself to shine for me

It dies to give me life

This is but a blood debt

'

Going to such troubles, to keep me motivated

Never sleeps, laboring for my happiness day and night

'

Kahnye*, servant of my soul

Won't you sleep tonight.

'

Outside my window every night, serenading me, playing it

With begena and kirar, cultivating my soul

Like melka tsadique, our Kahn

His place spans every era

I know it's everlasting

Joy sent from heavens

'

I may be loving or hateful, he's always there

Thankful for my smallest favors

A man so rare, unswayed by trends

'

Kahnye, servant of my soul

Won't you sleep tonight.

'

His elocution fluid, like water in a brook, it flows

Whets my winding guts and seeks my heart

Reveals the mystery, breaks it down,

Explodes my essence.

My soul has entered paradise

Sweetening your songs, blending life and word

Separating my flesh and soul,

Leaving me breathless.

'

Kahnye servant of my soul

Won't you sleep tonight.

'

Like melka tsadique, our Kahn

His place spans centuries

I know it's everlasting

Joy sent from heavens.

~GI GI

'

Kahn: Priest of the highest order with mastery of language, poetry, music, theology and logic. In Ethiopia Kahns are known for their selfless devotion to their learning and their art.

'

Kahnye: my dear / ye is always a suffix of endearment in Amharic

'

Adwa

'

Man is precious

Precious to be man

One has died to save the rest

respecting all

'

A calling of sacrifice, of love and honor

With honor one dies for the other

My freedom today

Paid for in much blood and bone

How many fell for this land of freedom

Let Adwa speak, let her bear witness

Let Adwa speak, let my country speak

How I stand before you

In pride and honor

In happiness and love

'

Here I enjoy my victory each day

But the suffering and all that pain

Adwa yesterday and Adwa here to stay

'

The fallen are yet to rise

May praise be to them

To the martyrs of Adwa

Who gave their lives for freedom

'

The black man's bastion of triumph

Africa Mother Ethiopia

Tell tell tell

Tell us stories of triumph

Tell us.

~GIGI

Belated Birthday

My birthday was June 8. I'd like to say I was too busy celebrating to post but I was actually trying to get a new blog started on a separate sight. It turned out to be much more difficult then expected. But armed with assistance from their help desk and a dear girl named Aimee I should have it up and running by the end of the month. One step at a time. I will keep you posted.

Bella Baby!

Norelei Aulyn* made her appearance into the world mid morning of Thursday the 27th of May to Caelen and Samantha Bird. She was delivered by c-section and weighed in at about 5.5 pounds and measured about 18 inches long. God bless you little girl and may you find in him your hearts desire.

'

Norelei is a combination of the names Loralei and Nora. Nora is a derivative of Eleanor (the name of her great, great grandmother). Eleanor means "light". Aulyn is a Gaelic derivative of the name Elaine which means "beautiful". This is my fourth grand child and the second little girl .... another pearl on the string!