Driven Or Led?

And Jesus looked at the multitudes and saw them driven and harassed ... like sheep without a shepherd.... and he was moved to pity. One of the greatest blessing I have encountered out of my worship and praise time is the shepherding of Christ ... I ask for it daily. Primarily it relieves me of guilt and confusion. It keeps me from being overwhelmed of the "shoulds" ... for I am being simply obedient to his guidance and leadership. For he does things in the "Presbyterian way" ... decently and in order.

So I go about my day. Caring for myself and my home ... a business. Relating to the people that cross my path. If someone thinks I have fallen short of a responsibility, I think not for I have been following the shepherd ... my mind is at rest .... I know what it is to be driven .... perhaps by the expectations of others ... or by some inner need to be significant ... even some pressing thought .... I am sometimes plagued by critical thoughts .... since I am tender hearted by nature, I find this particularly tormenting. I do not wish to entertain the negative thought ... particularly against loved ones ....

It is these times I turn to the Shepherd for protection and relief .... he ever blesses me and others and stands willing to help us do better .... everything he assists us with glows with a heavenly glory .... you can just tell when the Spirit of the Lord is on a person or some effort. And he does use his people .... we can shepherd or use any spiritual gift if we are led and infused with his Spirit.

Not all have the gift of shepherding but we do each have at least one gift. We can be the tools in the Master's hand using that gift he has bestowed on us to bless others and to glorify him. For every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father. What a delight and a relief to be guided, shepherded, led and helped by the Lord. What a consternation to be overwhelmed, driven, molested and harassed by that old Satan, the devil.

While my life has become more orderly, productive and peaceful there is still room for the unexpected ... like a trip to Haiti. Thinking of going back to collect my daughter looks to me like something of an obstacle course. Lack of funds, shots and meds, some negative opinion, a crazy foreign airport, incredible heat .... But I know I can trust the shepherd to carry me through in his time. He has already made a way for me, and he is watching over my child. We will be led and not driven.

Did I Let You Down?

Many years ago, a dear friend was reading the book Disappointed With God. I have not read it but I have been there. I can't imagine it now .... being so blind. Thinking that God had let me down .... thinking he should have done better for me ..... thinking he could cut me some slack.

I've been bitter with his people too .... stepping on my heart and my toes ... rarely with the right words to say .... poor helpless flock nearly as blind as me.

Looking back I can see how I was taken in. How a devilish slight of hand had me thinking my heavenly Father did not love me so much .... or why would this have happened or why didn't he answer my prayers. I remember the frustration of not being able to measure up and thinking that was why .... I simply must be a disappointment to him .... so we must have this mutual attitude. Actually I wouldn't have said I was disappointed in God ... it wouldn't have been Christian. It is all hind sight now. But I would have continued in a state of denial if the Shepherd hadn't been on my case.

And he helped me see. And this is the truth ...... Yes he was disappointed .... disappointed that I didn't love him so much. ... and with my ingratitude. I was looking at the temporal ..... I didn't know what to do with spiritual riches .... honestly I didn't know. I hadn't really tasted how much better my life could be in and through the Spirit. And frankly my bitter and sad little attitude was grieving the Spirit and keeping me from enjoying his presence so much.

With out him it feels like bad air inside....like a musty room.... feelings of anxiety, depression, irritation, resentment, and rudeness choke my innards .... I can sense the rooms of my soul needing to be swept clean .... windows and doors flung open to let in a Holy Spirit wind ....

His work leaves me feeling like Merry Maids just left my house only I didn't have to pay .... just ask, "Please help me." Along with request the praising and singing helps too. "The Spirit of the Lord inhabits the praise of his people and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is life and health and peace.".... anxiety can not reside with peace and thankfulness .... depression cannot cohabit with joy ... so I exchange my irritation, resentment and rudeness for loving kindness..... it is the beginning of the abundant life with another happy day followed by another and another ..... how do I see loss and difficulties now? .... even death? .....I see it simply as God waiting to give me something better ..... I've seen it happen and so I believe it ever will. It doesn't mean I don't ever cry or that I'm not ever disappointed ..... but now these things don't put a wedge between me and God ..... but draw me to him for the comfort I need in my time of trouble. I love Jesus.

Attar Of Roses

Last night I settled down to sleep in Zion .... my daughter Giselle had made a place for me there. As I closed my eyes I realized I was not in my room at the Christmas House. The walls had turned from yellow to warm pink. This startled me but the Lord was there. "What is this?" I asked. "It is what I have prepared for you." He said. I could see only in a dream state but the scent of fresh rose petals registered in my brain. I wanted to breathe deep. A chandelier sparkled overhead, along with candles, they cast a warm glow. There were Queen Anne chairs by a table covered in gold leaf. At the foot of my bed was a wading pool with lotus beside a large and heavy branched tree .... I was dressed in floating garments of cocoa and persimmon.... It is so different from my Christmas Cottage, which actually is much closer to where I live now. It surprised me some .... gold leaf after all .... I thought I was more simple ..... But it felt right .... He told me I was of the earth ... My bed was like being enfolded in the center of a rose .... I thought of Thumbelina asleep in her walnut shell. Some are of earth, some wind, some fire and others water. I do not exist so comfortably in the other elements. But we can change somewhat depending on who our friends and family are.

My sister is wind .... boisterous. Her mansion is by the water ... I caught a glimpse of furniture made of driftwood .... my son Jon is water ... I saw no walls to his mansion but waterfalls and wide open spaces for adventure and conquest. He waved to me before diving in. In the depths of Zion you can breathe as though you came equipped with gills. There are caves and seaweed ... anemones and Japanese pearl divers. My son Jesse is in the Navy yet he is not water but fire. Fire consumes and is just. It is warm and golden. There is fireside too. Hearth and home. His wife Gabrielle is water. But not like Jon's .... In her world, water carries her and sunlight sparkles on it.

No ones world is exactly like another ... Samantha is sometimes earth and sometimes air. In her world I smell gardenias ... not roses. Stepping outside of my room there is another large tree and a rose garden .... the Lord did not want to show me more at present. It waits for my homecoming. I would like to go there but for now I have children coming home.

P.S. dear family .... for those of you who are left wondering how I might define you, Caelen is earth and fire .... of the ground and nature with a love for home .... Josh, like Jon is water, ready for unchartered territory. Amanda is earth ... but more shades of green .... ready for rest. Giselle is air and has a tree house with tree frogs. David is earth .... very basic. Samura, like me is earth. She has golden yellow roses ... very royal. Norelei is earth and air and has a forest with owls ... James and Lauren have a Narnia world. James is air and Lauren earth. Asher is a water baby.

Bezalel & Oholiab

Then Moses said to the Israelites, "See, the Lord has chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and he has filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts -- to make artistic designs for work in wood in gold, siver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood and to engage in all kinds of artistic craftsmanship. And he has given both him and Oholiab son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan, the ability to teach others. He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as craftsmen, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers -- all of them master craftsmen and designers....

'

Then Moses summoned Bezalel and Oholiab and every skilled person to whom the Lord had given ability and who was willing to come and do the work. They received from Moses all the offerings the Israelites had brought to carry out the work of constructing the sanctuary.

'

I have been collecting resources to take back to Haiti to help Ismaelle and her momma and perhaps some other skilled people to make some beautiful things with their hands. I would like to see some of these things displayed somewhere up on a wall or on counters so that folks (like our volunteers) may be able to purchase these items. Chambrun also has some computers and may be able to sell these products on line.

'

I'm also thinking to return this summer and hope to have Samura settled here before then. I have been collecting some clothing for Samura. All this clothing will be donated to Haiti when she outgrows it except for winter clothes which will go to a local charity. All of this preparation has gone on credit which I hope to pay down with tithe money as well as my return expenses to Haiti. Your donations are welcome if you would like to partner with me.

'

I would also like to see Chambrun with a good size garden and farmers market. The soil in Haiti is depleted and needs to be built up. Our back yard has much dense clay so we compost. We are digging a new garden section this spring. Every left over scrap of anything from our kitchen or small yard debris goes into a compost pile behind our house. Not only has this enriched the soil but has fed the birds and squirrels through the winter. The birds are quite happy with the worms that enrich the decomposing scraps. You can compost anything but meat and dairy products ... coffe grounds & filters, tea bags, banana peels, egg shells, vegetable and fruit peels. Soon the garden soil becomes very rich. There is more compost information online. God is ever a wonderful resource as well.

Timmy

A Screenplay

by Melanie R. Bird

Timmy Milano has Downs Syndrome. He is the second son and the third child of an Italian family in Northern New Jersey. His father owns a fish market. His mom is a wife to her husband and a mother to her children. His older brother, Johnny is a music professor at Julliard. He and his older sister Carolyn help their father Johnny Senior at the fish market after school along with Johnny's partner Danny and son Andy (who are African American). Timmy's youngest sister, Jen helps out some too.

'

Timmy's mom and dad have a tender concern for him. He will always have a job at the fish market. His sister Carolyn watches out for him at work. He takes his job seriously and greets all customers.

'

Carolyn and Andy have grown up together. As they work through their teen years the two show signs of romantic feelings on the job. All though initially surprised, Danny and Johnny Senior have nothing against the couple becoming attached.

'

Enter Christy, a young and vivacious friend from school. She is something of a flirt and does so with Andy. Andy goes out with Christy and has a really good time, Then comes back to work and is romantic with Carolyn too. It isn't long before Christy shows up at the fish market and Carolyn realizes that Andy has two girl friends. Danny is not happy with Andy.

'

A crushed Carolyn, later finds her dad and asks if she can continue to work at the market on alternate days from Andy. Dad agrees and time goes by. Carolyn and Andy go off to separate colleges. They return and accidentally run into each other at the market. Tired of being second string in Christy's social circle, Andy has long since stopped seeing the girl. Carolyn is rather non committal in her reaction to Andy .... Andy thinks he wants her back. Timmy is the awkward and seemingly "out of it" presence to the drama around him.

'

Meanwhile Johnny Jr. is interested in a young African American co-worker named Halle. Larry is also interested in Halle. Halle likes Johnny a lot but when it comes down to making a choice she goes for Larry. Johnny doesn't feel so good, and is frustrated over being single.

'

Now back to Andy. He begins to pursue Carolyn. At first Carolyn is stand offish but eventually agrees to go out with Andy. After a few dates, they are a couple again, but it is not long before they run into Christy while they are out and about. Andy is still obviously attracted to Christy. This causes a major snag in his relationship to Carolyn. She shuts Andy out. Andy is left kicking himself that he has blown his second chance with Carolyn .... the woman that he actually wants. He has a conversation with his dad. Danny tells him that he understands what it's like to be distracted by a skirt. And that it's a problem that may never go away. But that he commits every day to loving just one woman ... and that woman has forgiven him ... and maybe he forgave her once or twice too. Andy is reflective and tells his dad that he really would like to get serious about Carolyn .... Timmy stands by blinking and nodding.

Our Lady of Delaware

A Screenplay

By Melanie R. Bird

Emma's parents died when she and her brother were very young. The children went to live with their aunt and uncle. Some time later her uncle dies as well. These losses impressed Emma in such a way that she came to see life as something that was very hard. She did not expect much from it. Once she graduated high school she attended University of Delaware. Fast forward to her senior year with her roommate Jen.

'

Jen Milano (Jeniffer Anistan) is the youngest child of an Italian family from Northern New Jersey. She transferred to UD after an unfortunate college romance. As the baby of the family she is used to much attention .... Emma needs very little. Jen enjoys being with Emma because she remains the center of attention. Emma loves Jen and does not feel the need to compete with her.

'

Enter Peter, a young man headed for the ministry. He meets Jen and Emma but is drawn particularly to Emma. Jen loves both Emma and Pete. It seems that they often end up hanging out. Pete sees Jan as someone with needs while Emma requires very little. Emma sees her role with Pete as a helpful one. She believes in his calling and is happy to focus on him and his future. Once they are engaged and Pete has Emma by his side he focuses more on his future too. While Emma is his future wife, Jen is something of a parishioner .... he is a shepherd.

'

This begins to be something of a problem for Emma. She tries to draw a boundary line on her relationship to Pete and gently let Jen know that she cannot be the third wheel. Pete ignores the boundary line and one evening ends up going home with Jen. This occurs because they attend a party where Pete begins to drink a bit too much. Emma tries to encourage him to leave but he shrugs her off. After Pete makes an off color joke, Emma decides to head home. Jen offers to help Pete home and they make out before heading back to their apartments.

'

The following morning, Jen lies to Emma about the previous night. They head out to classes and meet up with Pete. Emma senses that Jen and Pete are friendlier then usual and then realizes that Jen has lied to her. She stops as Jen and Pete continue, then turns abruptly, walking rather blindly across the sidewalk, over a curb and into the street where she is hit by a car.

'

Later in a hospital bed with a broken collar bone, she is visited by Jen. Jen is cute but self centered. She doesn't quite yet realize the extent to which she has hurt her friend. Emma turns her face to the wall. She has nothing left to give Jen ... or Pete for that matter. A sobered Jen retreats to the library for some self examination and a good bit of self reproach. One of the professors, Greg Hughes (Hugh Laurie) observes her distress. He has always liked Jen but respects the student / teacher boundaries. He is thoughtful and kind. He helps Jen overcome a good bit of her momentary self hatred without negating her need to change.

'
Pete also has visited Emma and received his ring back. Emma is not an arrogant person. She is simply someone who is easy to take advantage of. She takes up very little space. She is collected by her aunt and returns home to convalesce. They have a beach house. Emma and her brother hang out some .... he loves his older sister and thinks she ought to know that it is okay to receive sometimes.

'

Jen and Pete care deeply about Emma and no longer see each other. Greg and Jen do begin to see each other after graduation. Pete heads over to see Emma one more time. He is met at the door by the auntie. Aunt Grace steps out to talk with him on the porch. She wants him to understand that Emma is not the kind of person that asks for anything. She wants him to know that if he is going to be with Emma he will have to look for ways to take care of her. Pete concedes that he was being ignorant but he would like another chance to make it up to Emma. Aunt Grace steps aside and Pete steps into the room to be with Emma who is seated by a sunny window. Coming up beside her, hat in hand, he asks her for another chance to be there for her. Emma is silent for a moment, then asks Pete to pass her reading book on the table.

The Problem of Pain

There are all types of pain. A person in pain should talk to someone. Some folks are rather public with their pain. Some say nothing at all. The problem with every0ne knowing about your grief is too much talk. Not everyone knows how to comfort. I know that, for myself, I generally talk to very few people if any, when I have a problem. Some well intentioned consolation is clumsy and cuts like a knife. I shy away from added pain. So I am quiet.
'
The times I was actually helped through grief were almost unexpected. This is what I have learned from my comforters;
'
1. Some sorrows require expressions of sympathy .... others require that we mind our own business.
'
2. If approached, listen quietly and thoughtfully. The person in pain may need to unburden themselves. Don't jump to "fix" the situation.
'
3. If you have experienced a similar grief you may know what to say like no one else does. If you have not, then simply let the person know that you care and so does Jesus. Offer to be available if they need to talk again.
'
4. Let your friend know that you will not repeat anything they have confided in you ... and don't ... not even to a spouse without permission.
'
5. Love and pray for them.

Bad Company

Bad company corrupts good character. If your eye causes you to sin gauge it out and if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better to enter heaven maimed then to enter hell all in one piece. We may have trouble forgiving but we can also be tolerant of evil. Sometimes in order to live a life close to God we have to live separate from a temptation.

'

This could be person, place or thing. Some one, some place or some thing has entangled us in some form of compromise. These things are not evil in themselves. They simply have been the source of some past or current indulgence. Or it may actually be a person we are unable to deal with. Someone who is abusive or knows how to push our buttons .... a perpetually negative, bitter, gossiping or seductive individual. Certainly we should not leave the door wide open for this person to sin against us again and again in a rather lame and misguided belief in forgiveness. Nor should we weakly allow a tempting situation to continue. If we can get out, we should. What do we do when it seems that we cannot get out fast enough?

'

All I know is that the scriptures promise that there is no temptation that has seized us which is not common to man and that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can endure. He can provide a way out. We can trust that. His Spirit can give us peace in the interim. He is also a God of justice. He sees every wrong visited upon one of his children. Like the blood of Abel these wrongs call for retribution. And in this world there have been some heinous sin. The blood of Christ speaks a better word .... perhaps there is even forgiveness for Cain .... but not before repentance.

Comfort Ye

I made tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches tonight. Since I have become almost a vegetarian it is the closest I come to comfort food. Here on the east coast I believe that comfort food must be largely regulated to the winter months. Something about the grey days and the cold discomfort that begins when we set bare feet to cold floor boards and continues throughout the day till we stand over a warm stove and a simmering pot in the evening .... I like clam chowder too. The New England variety.

'

Discomfort is not only regulated to the physical but to the soul as well. I think particularly of our sins and errors. Long cold days of consequence convicting the heart and conscience .... guilt whether real or imagined. I remember the pains and purgatories of my past. I remember being sorry and then some. I remember not being able to take it back. I remember not being able to stop saying I was sorry in my prayers ... like a nervous tick or broken record. This was the time and place for comfort. It was Jesus who knew my wrongs ... it was Jesus who paid the price for my sin and set the communion table with his own body and blood .... comfort food .... it is his right and good pleasure to forgive and absolve.

'

I cringe for the fallen .... I know it had to hurt. Something inside me feels the pain that I know they will feel ... if not now, then later. I am not for short cuts .... rushing to console before a true conviction of sin. But I would wish to be the one setting you down at my table when you are ready to come home.

Suffer The Little Children

A little one peeks through a hole in the infirmary.

Nurse Aubrey Dell with her favorite patient baby Rose

Nurses Em & Aub with orphans. Our Samura is lower left.

Pastor Aaron's child. Chambrun, Haiti 2010-11

Change Is In The Wind

My finger has been in the wind of late. It is a Holy Spirit wind and a change is coming. Take praise bands. What once was cutting edge has been around now for 20 some years or more. At first we were defensive because the old folks thought guitars in church was a walk on the wild side. But the argument has died back a good bit and a praise band is a rather tame thing unless it gets really loud or heavy metal .... or rap ... which feels a little weird to some, including me (it's a cultural thing). So there is a change coming and I can feel a longing like the sap rising in the spring. It is for that old time religion .... it is the memory of listening to my grandparents sing the hymns of their youth .... On Jordan's stormy banks I stand ... Day is dying in the west. Heaven is touching earth with rest, wait and worship while the night, sets her evening lamps alight, through all the sky. Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of hosts. Heaven and earth are full of Thee, heaven and earth are praising Thee, O Lord Most High ...

'

I want to go on .... but it's also listening to Johnny Cash and George Beverly Shea sing the old hymns ... it's Billy Graham crusades .... it's a longing for an age of innocence. It's a longing for the stuff that makes sense. Like fashion ... marry and bury me in the classics .... clothing that makes sense. Is why I like the 30's. There was a spirit of sacrifice ... folks made do. They were practical. I want to go back to that ... but in the now. There is nothing wrong with varying fashion or praise bands for that matter. They are practical and an economy of effort. And the music is wonderful. It's just good to mix it up a little.

'

But about the 30's, it is not so much that I am drawn to the the trappings of an era. But these represent the heart of an era. I'm not into what is shocking as though it were synonymous with cutting edge. I want to be into what is good .... what is pure and what is wholesome. I want to go back to when the important thing was to love the Lord with all your heart and mind and soul, and to love your neighbor as yourself. I want to go back to a time when a person made up their mind about how to live based on this principle. Talk about cutting edge .... it would be a healing of the nation and a cut back on wickedness. Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Change is in the wind. ~Melanie

Happy Birthday Jon

Belated ...

Chapter 12 Epiphany

Previously in this book I have spoken of demons as parasites. By the power of the Holy Spirit and the name of Christ we are able to shed these evil spirits through repentance and by replacing them with God's Holy Spirit. Not only do we want to shed the demonic but any sinful habits we have retained. So with God's help we put off complaint for praise to God ... we replace tolerance with patience .... fear with faith. We ward off an insurgence of what is unholy by resisting and rebuking the negative spirit. If some unholy spirit has led us into some form of sinful agreement we may repent. Knowledge and use of scripture is helpful. But the only way to keep evil from coming back and along with allies is to be bound to the Spirit of God. Then there is no room for the evil to take up residence in your soul. But it will look for another host so as not to return to hell.

Jesus once encountered a demoniac who lived near naked among the tombs. When Christ asked for his name the demons answered, "Legion" for they were many. Jesus had compassion on the man and rebuked the legion. Upon that rebuke the legion began to beg that Christ would not send them back to Hades. And so Jesus allowed them to enter a herd of nearby pigs which immediately went so completely berserk that they charged over a cliff and into the sea. So where did the spirits go from there?

The ocean has long been a symbol for evil and chaos. It was the Spirit of God which brooded over the waters before ordering and structuring the creation. Scriptures also tell us that in the new heavens and the new earth that there shall be no sea and no night. Perhaps even more of a reason we should recite the hymns and prayers for sailors at sea.

O Sacred Spirit, who dids't brood
Upon the chaos dark and rude,
Who badd'st its angry tumult cease,
And gavest light and life and peace:
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.
~William Whitting

We may go anywhere safely with Jesus. He is able to rebuke the winds and the waves, men and demons. But we still struggle here below and so if we have tasted heaven we long to enter in. But there are such things as would tie us to this earth .... unfinished tasks, loved ones and duty. As a Christian my task on this earth is to glorify God and work for his kingdom to come and replace the realm and rule of Satan. There are spiritual forces that stand behind earthly thrones.

Tomorrow is Epiphany, the twelfth day of Christmas. The celebration of Epiphany is about a group of kings (wise men) who came to kneel before the child Jesus. It has long stood as a celebration of rejoicing over the Gentiles being included in the kingdom of God. For Christ came to seek and save the lost sheep of Israel but his grace was sufficient and extended to every tribe, people and tongue.

Many years ago after the birth of my fourth son I asked God if I would have any future children. He let me know that I would have a girl child whom I should name Ana Tasha (Anastasia). Since I had lost Giselle, this promise was quite precious to me along with the fact that Anastasia means resurrection. It was a picture for me of the in gathering of the Jews into God's kingdom. For if there rejection is reconciliation for the world, what will their acceptance be but life from the dead. (Here Giselle would like everyone to know that she is not lost or misplaced because Jesus took her straight to heaven but that she is a spiritual Jew since she is also a Christian child). But for many years I waited to conceive ... then I waited to adopt ... perhaps a Russian Jew child ... and I came close .... but then I went to Haiti and opened my heart and home to some Gentile children.

So here it is Epiphany and I have left up all the decorations .... and the stockings too waiting to see if they will come. Mail order gifts have arrived at the house in preparation ... whereas the first wise men brought their gifts to Jesus, we remember his advent with gifts to one another... it is the year 2011.

... another Christmas has come and gone and still I wait for the children. It is now 2012. Adoptions from Haiti can take up to three years. I was told nine to eighteen months. Some times at night I go to sleep holding little Samira. I think she can feel the love that I send to her in Jesus. I believe that he comforts her as well as me while we are waiting.

One of her Christmas gifts is a little heart shaped locket meant to hold pictures of her parents .... I believe only an orphan could tell you how precious it is to have a mommy and daddy .... I know orphans who have grown to adulthood and still long for parents ... "He sets the lonely in families". Like food and shelter, a loving family is something that lifts our hearts in gratitude to the maker who is well pleased and ordained it to be so.

Unlike Samira, Olivia has caring family. If all is agreeable we would have an open adoption. I have made some preparation for Livie but think she will want to do some shopping for herself, since she is a little older. Besides a loving family, what we have to give Liv is opportunity. An opportunity for a better life. An opportunity to meet her full potential in addition to her ever growing love for Jesus. I cannot tell you how precious these two children have become to me and how thankful I am for them.

to be continued when the children arrive...   

Chapter 11 Windows And Pot Holes

I nearly deleted the last chapter as soon as it was written because it caused a problem for me and could be a pitfall for other readers. Just as insights to heaven can open windows, tales of hell can open portals. The soul of that lost Haitian woman wanted to pull me down and ride me out. I think it was a demonic parasite. Demons would rather have an earthly host then wander the arid plains of hell. They feed on our desires.
But I figured that this was some information that would be helpful to people because people do need to be warned off of hell but I did not want my book being a portal to such a place. So I asked that God would close the door on that possibility and he has. If anyone is interested in exploring more on hell and it's inhabitants, portals are as common as pot holes in May; but much deeper and more horrible. I do not recommend it and refuse to have this book used for such a purpose. If you would contact the dearly departed or any other soul it should be done through prayer. Direct your requests to God otherwise it will be through some other sinful desire which can only hurt you and others. But through Christ it can only be a glory and a blessing which is how we should wish to contact anyone. I touched on this topic in the chapter on Travellers.

One godly purpose for contacting another soul could be for the purpose of sexual purity. In many cases, such as in the military, husbands and wives are parted for long periods of time. This can be an opportunity for severe temptation and Christ promises that his children will not be tempted beyond what they can endure. But he does not promise that they will not fail. He is able to provide a way of escape if we wait upon him and trust him.

Sex is one of Satan's prime targets in this life. The object of our sexual desire can ensnare us into the worship of demons for they are the gods of this world. God delights in his children. He brings man and woman into marriage for their enjoyment and for the purpose of multiplication because he is a God of life not death. But to wander away from him into some obsessive desire is to degrade the wholesome aspect of the creation into a private self indulgent feeding. It will only lead to abuse. One can exercise godly imagination or unholy imaginations and there are spiritual beings that inhabit the imagination.

But there is no sex in heaven. Angels do not pack reproductive parts all though they are up on most earthly inventions and can accost an unholy critter with a light saber and a jet pack on their back. They enjoy being current. Souls in heaven may appear in any form that they feel comfortable. My former employer, Mrs. Rosa McDonald has come to see me. She appears as a very beautiful elderly lady all though she carries a cane and wears a rather large nose. She takes on an elderly form for this is when she came to Christ and the nose is because she had none due to face cancer. She was a very rich lady related to the DuPonts and I was one of her cook and house keepers. She had a full staff to run her estate. She has told me once or twice that she wishes she had left me some money because she credits much of her knowledge of the gospel to me and Mel Gibson with his Passion movie. I told her that I would have liked her with or without her money but having money is good too.

I have had some contact with my grandparents also. Not many words but more along the lines of loving regard. They appear to be about middle aged, which is what my earliest memories would be. I'm told they are sometimes younger. I've seen my brother Thomas Edwin who goes about as a naked little boy since he never left the hospital after his birth. He seems to think it is important that everyone know his gender .... a concern for most males. Her mommy spends more time with Audrey Hope and I hear she has renamed her Audrey Joy. Audrey is much like Giselle.

Last night Audrey left Zion without permission looking for me or her momma. Michael had to return her promptly and I held her on my lap. She had lost some of her luster and was a bit dark so we had to pray for her. She sneezed and thought it all a bit nasty. Heavens youngest souls do not know how to protect themselves in shadow land. This is why there is a heavenly outpost.

Giselle has helped me in many ways but it is important to remember that she and the other souls in heaven can only put out what the Spirit puts into them. There are instances where I have latched onto her like a drowning man but this would only pull her down with me. And again it is travelling outside the Spirit. It serves to burden and drain your assistant. I actually do know something of what it is to drown.

Last night while half awake I watched an ocean cruiser sink rapidly into the sea. I thought the Titanic did not sink so fast and I imagined being a passenger and how I would have escaped and then only to be bobbing about in the ocean and what about sharks. No sooner did I have this thought then a shark swam toward me and chomped down on me about the middle. I thought of drowning and being eaten all at once. Blood flowed up into my nose so that I was drowning on it rather then salt water. Nothing hurt me very much but I figured it might take a minute or two to die and a minute or two is a long time if you are waiting for an egg to boil.

The details of drowning and of shark attack were a form of new information to me which I might simply label, "knowledge". Knowledge is a neutral thing but what we do with it can be either positive or negative. To react negatively such as in fear, complaint, rage or pride exposes our souls to evil spiritual insurgence. Since we own a fallen human nature we are prone to these reactions. And so we find ourselves oppressed by Satan or even hosting an evil spirit which we have accepted as natural or part of ourselves. So we and others may see ourselves as lazy, stupid, or hot tempered. It is good to test what you hear. Just as it is good to go to the Father for the right perspective on the information.

Information can sometimes serve as a distraction to listening to God. Which is another good reason to touch base with him about our proper perspectives. Satan and his hosts are ever trying to throw up obstacles and distractions in our relationship to the Lord. Beware of a desire to control others outside the Holy Spirit for this is unrighteous activity also. God has established authority structures in his creation that can be a benefit to law and order but apart from him a terrible burden also.

Chapter 10 Sheol

As the cloud fades and vanishes, so he who goes down to Sheol does not come up; he returns no more to his house, nor does his place know him anymore. Job 7:9-10
For God will rescue my soul from the power of Sheol, for he will receive me. Psalm 49:15
Shall I ransom them from the power of Sheol? Shall I redeem them from Death? O Death, where are your plagues? O Sheol, where is your sting? Compassion is hidden from my eyes. Hosea 13:14
Before God's children were permitted to enter Zion there was Sheol. Sheol is not hell. I think it must have been much like shadow land. Or perhaps Sheol is shadow land. It was after the death of Christ that he descended to Sheol and from there led captives in his train into Zion. It was his sacrifice and atonement that opened the gates to the heavenly city. Nothing evil enters the city of Zion but in the hills surrounding that city a good bit of warfare exists between good and evil. Gabriel and Michael and other angels are heavens outpost in this shadow land. This is a place where one can be deceived. Whatever you hear should be tested by scripture.
There is one forlorn little soul of a Haitian woman that seemed to want to speak to me here in shadow land. She had some story to tell of her life and of her indecision of whether she should go to heaven or hell because she had loved ones in both places. Apparently she had a son in Zion who had lived life as a cripple under her table, eating the scraps from the floor like a dog. I finally decided to test the situation and rebuked the apparition. She evaporated almost immediately. She may be an actual person in hell puppet ed about by some unholy spirit but she was not a citizen of heaven. The difference between this ghastly wraith and the redeemed was as night and day. According to scripture the offer of salvation comes to the living and not to the dead. It is a dangerous thing to listen to the dead if you do not listen to the Lord. For they can lead you astray. Some believe that shadow land is a Pergatory or a place where one pays for or at least must repent of unconfessed sin such as suicide. But this is a tradition that is not based on scripture and there is the passage that teaches that for the Christian to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. God does not leaving his children standing on the doorstep for when he sees us he sees his Son.
In Zion I am free from oppression and attack. But just beneath in shadow land Jesus, Gabriel, Michael and Algonquin protect me. Giselle and Audrey come to meet me too. Satan sometimes shows up as a large blue nosed blood hound or perhaps some hulking shape walking cross my path. During these times Algonquin may cover me with his wings so that I am completely hidden. Sometimes it seems like I am in a snow globe and a viperous frog creature creeps around the outside of the glass looking for a way in. Gabe & Michael will stab at various spidery and centipede creatures that writhe at the edge of our feet. Sometimes though something will get by and settle into some weakness in my armor .... Like a deep pressure on my heart. I try to refrain from anger and negative emotions but sometimes I nearly have to flee to some place of seclusion so I can pray and get right with God. I sometimes find myself niggled by complaint, judgmental or unkind thoughts even against those I love best. This is distressing. In such times I need to get closer to Jesus in shadow land or simply go to Zion which is his prevailing presence.
There are other actions or chants that I have learned to defend my soul and cause all that is unholy to fall back. But they are not effective as empty ritual. Quoting scripture is as sharp as any double edged sword. The Lord's Prayer, the sign of the cross, lifting up and glorifying the Christ, "May the Lord God arise, and may his enemies be scattered and may this mountain be cast into the sea" .... "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God of Hosts, the whole earth is full of his glory." .... well that's good for now. God Bless.

Chapter 9 The Blind Leading The Blind

Earlier in this book I had reasoned that there is only one road to Zion. It being a gospel road and one that we travel in the Spirit. The only way to reconcile with an offended God is to make an atonement and the only acceptable atonement is the perfect life and death of God's own Son whose blood was shed for the remission of sin. It takes more then just believing these things to enter glory. We must act on them and this is what faith is all about. We believe and that belief results in action. We are not saved by our works as that undermines the perfection of the atonement. Rather our works are obedience and the evidence that we believe. You cannot believe and live a life of disobedience. Even the demons believe and they tremble.

Believing is something the Spirit helps us to do as is obedience. We are incompetent without him. So then a religious system based on good works is based on pride which undermines all effort since we actually think we have earned something and nothing will reconcile us to God except perfection ... and I don't know anyone who will admit to that.

Yet God is drawn to the contrite. He spurns the proud and stoops down to make the weak and fragile great. Who are those he lifts up? The poor beggar Lazarus entered glory while the rich man thirsted in the unquenchable fires of hell. Two men came to the temple to pray. The pharisee told God about all that he had done for him. The publican beat his breast and prayed for mercy ..... I tell you the truth that it was the publican who went away justified and on the road to glory. The woman at the well and other harlots, lepers and publicans entered the kingdom ahead of the morally self righteous.

Nothing wrong with being morally righteous .... it just falls short of perfection and is an unsafe vehicle for travelling the road to Zion. We cannot keep the law for when we keep the law we begin to live in pride which results in a loss of love and love is the keeping of the law. And so this unsafe vehicle of law keeping results in us receiving the perfect justice we deserve for we have not come to the safety found at the foot of the cross. And yes Virginia, there is a hell.

Chapter 8 Loving The Father More

Yesterday I lost my needle. I looked on the chair, on the floor and even searched my clothes but could not find it. I mention this because thinking about this needle at this particular point in time had me thinking about Jesus words, It is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven then for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. The eye of a needle being a very small side gate into a city where which a camel would have to get on it's knees to reach the other side. Not impossible but difficult. Few see the need for getting on their knees if they are self sustaining.

The scriptures plainly teach that we are not to store up treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. Nor are we to put our trust in chariots and horses, guns and battleships. All these things may be well and good or necessary but we are not to entrust ourselves to them. We should love God's creation but not more than him. He loves his creation but in it's proper place. When creation takes the place of the creator there is chaos and disorder. When we follow our hearts after some piece of creation the demonic holds sway. Those who wander after wealth pierce their hearts with many griefs.

I think I have reached a place of wisdom on this matter having done my share of wandering. And I believe that I handle the good things in life with temperance. It is the difficult things in life that send me packing to the Father. Here is where I go to find relief from spiritual attack. And I think he allows this trouble because he enjoys my company so much ... I know I enjoy his. Because quite frankly I have my share of difficulty that abates the minute I go to him. So he gets what he wants ..... and I find that it is what I want too.

There with the Father I can regain equilibrium and perspective. I can think about What Would Jesus Do or perhaps reflect on what he already did. Much of going to him is about not being able to handle my frustrations so well. And too many situations are over handled. Do we really need to discuss a problem with twenty other people? Why, when we can go to the Father and have him say what is just and true. Keep it simple or simply keep it to yourself. God is the source of all good judgment and he can keep you in a sound mind just by listening to him.

My daughter Giselle has also prayed that not only would I be able to sleep in Zion but that I could transport there immediately whenever I have need. She calls down periodically to remind me that it's time to come up now. All though sometimes I feel like something of a yo yo as circumstances pull me down again and I feel like I am trying to swim out of the depths to breathe celestial air. At times God intervenes to keep me afloat.

Much of what drags me down is too much talk. But then God simply says that I shouldn't worry about other people's opinion of me since he has a perfectly good opinion of me. So you see why I like to hang out with him.

(At this point you may realize that I am writing a book Christmas With Giselle ... 12 chapters for the 12 days of Christmas which ends January 6 and the celebration of Epiphany and the ingathering of the Gentiles. The book will be dedicated to the father of my children ... then I will simply have to start another book because another book will keep me financially afloat.)